Tooth Collector


I added another tooth to my collection today.  This particular one is a very nice specimen.  Sometimes they come out jagged and with pieces of gum stuck to them, but not this one.  This one came out pretty clean.

I’ve often wondered what Adam and Eve thought when Cain lost his first tooth.  Were they horrified?  Traumatized?  Confused?

To be honest, I’ve often wondered what Adam and Eve thought about childhood in general, since they never experienced it firsthand.

I imagine shortly after Cain was born their conversation with God went something like this.

A&E: Um, God.  About this tiny human You gave us.
God: Yes.  What about him?
A&E: We think it’s broken.
God: Broken?
A&E: Yeah. Broken.  Not that we’re complaining.  A tiny human seems like a great gift and all, but….
God: But what?
A&E: Well, it doesn’t do anything.
God: He.  He’s a boy.  He’s your son.
A&E: Son?  What’s a son?  This little thing?
God: Yes.  Son.  A tiny boy human who is part of your family is your son.
A&E: Well, we think this son is broken.
God: He’s not just any son.  He’s your son.
A&E: Our? Son?… The tiny human?
God: Yes.  The tiny human is your son.  And he’s not broken.
A&E: Um, not to doubt You again, since last time that didn’t go so well, but something’s wrong with it.  Him.  Our son-thingy.
God: What’s wrong with him?  He’s perfect.
A&E: Well, he doesn’t have any teeth.  He can’t eat anything at all.
A: All he wants is the white stuff coming out of her breasts.  We thought maybe something would come out of mine, but, well, let’s just say that didn’t go well.
E: Adam!
A: It’s true.  Anyway.
A&E: He can’t talk.  His head is too soft.
E: He has a, well, you know, one of … those… like Adam has, but it’s so tiny.  I don’t think it’s….  Well, it just doesn’t seem like it is fully functional.  It’s just so small, I’m afraid he’ll never be able to….
A: Eve!
E: I’m just saying I’m afraid he won’t work right when one day he might need to.
A&E:  And he can’t walk or even crawl.  He doesn’t do anything at all but hit himself and cry.
God: Good.  That’s what he’s supposed to do.
A&E: Really?
God: Yep.  You have to teach him everything else.
A&E: Oh.  Wow.

Thus Adam and Eve launched headlong into parenthood, bravely combatting projectile bodily fluids, nonchalantly facing Oscar-worthy temper tantrums, and beginning the tradition of collecting dental specimens from tiny humans.

And here I am today with a collection of my own.  Any suggestions on what I should do with it?


  1. Let me know if you figure it out. I’m so horrible, I’m not even sure which teeth belong to which kid! I think I even have some teeth from the only dog we got as a puppy. I mean, really! Why did I keep the dog’s teeth?!

    • You are sentimental – nothing wrong with that. So far the only suggestion I have gotten is to throw them away. I’ll keep you posted.

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